Mert Preston, who will turn 85 this December, was raised by his mother, Henrietta, and grandparents in the farming community of Visalia, CA. His grandfather was a businessman during Mert’s childhood, and became a farmer after the stock market crash so he could put food on the table. His mother also had good business sense, and eventually opened a successful corset & lingerie shop in Visalia. Having devoted her life to raising and supporting her two children and her parents until their late 80s, Mert fondly remembers her “lusting for a T-Bird,” and felt his mother deserved this indulgence, but she resisted the temptation because she wanted to save money to pass on to her children. Unfortunately, she died of cancer shortly thereafter at the age of 58, and her dream never became a reality.
Henrietta was a powerful role model for Mert. She never spoke poorly of anyone, including his father who abandoned the family when Mert and his sister were young children. He vividly remembers his grammar school days when the local sheriff was arrested for drunk driving. In his small town of Visalia this news was quite a scandal, but his mother’s response was, “There but for the grace of God go I.” The lesson? Our fate is not entirely in our own hands, and another’s misfortune could very well have been your own! Personally, it reminds me to guard against pre-judging others and their human foibles. Henrietta also left Mort with the gift of being able to listen to all sides of an argument and “giving people a lot of leeway to be themselves.”
Reflecting on his life, Mort remembers the Golden Rule, and believes and practices “you get back what you put out.” He was a self-described “sissy” as a kid, who was underweight and nonathletic. In retrospect he ponders the role this played in his becoming “a gentle guy.”
After completing high school, Mert served in Germany during WWII (1944-1946). He started in artillery, but after D-Day he worked in a clerical capacity in medical aid stations and became responsible for running an aid station within a few short months. This was his first of many experiences stepping into a leadership role.
When Mert returned home after the War, he was expected to complete his training and become the doctor in the family, but after taking a biology class at the local junior college he soon discovered he was destined for experiential vs classroom learning and a career in business. Doors began to open, starting with the opportunity to run a car parts department for family friends in San Rafael. This experience quickly led to others; first as a buyer for a parts store in Stockton and then in Fresno. He fondly remembers the business owners/teachers he had along the way, who ultimately helped him gain the confidence he needed to open his own store, Preston Automotive Center, which he operated from 1959 until 1980 when he sold the business.
As Mert achieved the American Dream of a successful business, marriage, four children, and mortgage-free home by the age of 49, he suddenly became “terribly depressed” to the point where he had suicidal thoughts and “couldn’t see any way out.” He was raised in a very private family, and men didn’t talk about their feelings to anyone. But when he saw an ad about couple’s therapy, he brought it home and encouraged his wife to attend sessions together.
The year was 1980 and Mert’s life was about to undergo a profound change. He started private counseling sessions and it wasn’t long before the counselor put a name to the struggle he faced: he was homosexual. To Mert’s amazement, while he saw disaster lurking, the counselor repeatedly responded, “And what’s the problem?”
Through counseling, Mert was able to come to terms with this truth, and confided it to his wife. He prepared himself for their discussion with the book, “Loving Someone Gay,” by Don Clark, which he later also shared with his four adult children. Again to his amazement, both Mert’s wife, Ann, and his children accepted him for who he was without major upheaval. For the first time in his life he was living life on his own terms, not someone else’s. Mert and Ann never legally separated, but he did eventually move out of their shared home. He felt particularly blessed that his children accepted him and he was able to maintain a good friendship with his wife until she died of cancer six years later. The one hole in his life that remains is love. “The kind of love that grows over time, with a life partner you fall in love with and share your life with.” With that said, he has no regrets, because he wouldn’t be the person he is today without the experiences he has endured and the children he and Ann raised to adulthood.
Even before his life view dramatically changed both at work and at home, subtle changes were underway which called Mert to a life of service and leadership. This calling ultimately led Mert to his personal mission “Encouraging men to look at the way they lead their lives and be willing to explore change and stimulate their own personal growth.” Mert’s call to service began at Petaluma People Services Center, where he served on the Board of Directors from 1978-1982. He went on to co-found a men’s support group in Sonoma County, MEN: Men Evolving Non-violently. He was also a charter board member of Sonoma County AIDS Foundation, where he served through 1995. One of his proudest achievements was his work with the AIDs Foundation, because it opened him up to life. He was particularly honored when the AIDS Foundation established the Mert Preston Award to honor outstanding volunteer service.
Raised Catholic, Mert still considers himself Catholic and enjoys mass, although he struggles with the church’s position regarding homosexuality. When asked what he’d like to share with today’s youth, Mert borrowed a quote from the Book of Micah (6:8) in this simple yet profound statement:
“To act justly, to love tenderly, and to walk humbly with your God.”
Regardless of your belief system, to Mert the universal message is a simple one. “It is incumbent on each of us to be a decent person.” As I concluded our interview and glanced around Mert’s living room, I couldn’t help but notice the books prominently displayed on his coffee table which speak volumes about who Mert Preston is and what he believes: “Elders on Love,” by Lakritz Knoblauch and “When we were Colored, a Mother’s Story,” by Eva Rutland.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Mert!
