Still Running at 84...an Interview with Bill Evans

In more ways than one, Bill Evans of Santa Rosa is a distance runner. He started running at age 40, and still runs an average of 15 miles per week (=780 miles/yr), not to mention his golf addiction (yes, he’s the man you see regularly on the Bennett Valley golf course, running between holes).

Naturally athletic, Bill has always been physically active and played just about every sport imaginable in his youth. He took up tennis and golf in college at the University of Toledo, but it wasn’t until he turned 40 that he really started paying attention to his health. Perhaps the magic 4-0 was a wake-up call, since his own father died at age 48 of a heart attack.

Bill was born in Toledo, Ohio in 1926. His father was an aspiring performer who had difficulty finding work during the depression, but his mother found steady employment as a secretary for the local newspaper to keep food on the table and provide shelter for their family of four. From an early age, he learned to truly appreciate the sacrifices of working women of that generation, as he witnessed his mother coming home after work to cook and clean. Growing up in Ohio was a far cry from Northern California: he recalled the winters being so cold and coal so hard to come by that his father nailed the front door closed during the winter so they’d preserve the heat!

The single life event which left the longest lasting impression on Bill happened during his service in the US Navy, which he entered in 1944 at age 18. He was in the Battle of Okinawa toward the end of WWII and the Japanese were dropping bombs all around them. While some other soldiers seemed to panic, Bill suddenly realized he wasn’t afraid; he was prepared to accept the situation, not worry about what he had no control over, and do what he could within his control. Since that snapshot in time, he has lived his lived his life with acceptance; beyond fear.

After the War, Bill became somewhat of a self-described “playboy,” enjoying the single life through college and a career in newspaper reporting, writing and sports editing in Indiana and Texas, and then back in Toledo with Dun & Bradstreet as a financial reporter before taking advantage of a transfer opportunity to their San Francisco office in 1961 (where he could golf year-round). Once in San Francisco, Bill experienced a longing he had never felt before: he was ready to settle down and start a family. Within a year, he met Diane, a local nurse, who’s been his wife since 1963. They’ve raised “four wonderful kids,” whom he considers his single greatest accomplishment in life.

One’s heroes say much about a person and what’s important to them. When asked if he had any personal heroes, Bill was quick to name three, all of whom he admires for the courage they demonstrated by speaking out: Daniel Ellsberg (Pentagon Papers); Mahatma Gandhi (India civil rights and independence); and Daniel Berrigan (anti-war protester). His own greatest concern is the growing gap between rich and poor in this country, and the trillions of dollars we spend on foreign wars vs. direct aid to people both locally and globally.

And now, for the $100,000 question: what is Bill’s secret to living a long, healthy life? While I admittedly expected him to say “exercise,” he actually surprised me when he said he discovered the secret rather recently: “It’s FUN to do more than you have to” for others, as demonstrated these days by the many things Bill does around his community to help neighbors and keep it clean and beautiful. He takes pleasure in the appreciation he receives, and also enjoys random “anonymous” acts. His volunteer work beyond neighborhood beautification has ranged from volunteering to help immigrant adults improve their English skills, to driving neighborhood children to/from school and appointments, Forgotten Felines volunteer work, and many other contributions, large and small. Reflecting on the marathon of his life, Bill shared only one regret: spending much of his youth and young adulthood engaged in activities for his own pleasure rather than doing for others, which he finds much more gratifying. I personally think he’s done more than his fair share already, but know he’ll always go the extra mile.

Run on, Bill!

Honoring Dad on Father’s Day

Tell me, what’s in

Your little black bag

That travels

Near and far?

We pile in the wagon

Wait for minutes

Maybe hours

Seems like forever

Cramped quarters quarrel

Averted by a promise

An ice cream cone

Perhaps?

Eyes glued to the window

Hoping they’ll be better soon

So the little black bag,

and its owner, will return.

It seems like only yesterday when we did just that: four of six children, 2 years apart, would pile into my father’s Chevy station wagon to accompany him on “house calls.” This was back in the 1960s when house calls were a common occurrence among general practice MDs in the upper Midwest. Dad carried his medical supplies in a black leather “doctor bag.” He was dedicated to his practice and patients in a way I admired but never wanted to emulate. We spent hundreds of hours, summers and weekends, waiting in his office, the hospital waiting room, and on house calls; reading Highlights magazines from cover to cover, watching the people go by. But it was all worth it, because we were waiting for Dad.

J. Kent Tweeten, M.D., was born in Rochelle, Illinois on December 17, 1915 to an authoritarian Lutheran minister from Iowa, and his wife, Maud. He respected his father, but deeply admired his mild-mannered mother who was raised by family friends in a sod house on the plains of South Dakota in the 1880s after her immigrant parents and siblings succumbed to an epidemic when she was only one year old. The childhood death of his youngest brother, Paul, influenced his interest in pursuing medicine as a profession.

Shortly after graduating from medical school, Kent received his military orders to report for active duty in the U.S. Medical Corps and served in Europe from August 1944 through March 1946. His favorite “war story” was his memory of the evening he spent in a “very nice foxhole” which had been built and occupied by a German soldier the night before.

My father grew up during the depression, but his frugal parents managed to support all three children through college. Dad “paid it forward” by supporting all six of his own children through college. Not going to college was never an option. The value Dad placed on education was that great, yet he never pressured us to attend a specific university or pursue a particular course of study. In his own quiet, steady way, Dad held high expectations of each of us to do our best, and we never wanted to disappoint him.

Mother died when my youngest sister was only 4, which increased my father’s responsibility that much more to become both Provider and Parent. As stoic as his parents, Dad had minimal assistance around the house (other than from us kids with regular ‘chores’) and never remarried. I vividly remember Dad scrubbing the kitchen and bathroom floors on multiple occasions as I finished homework in high school. He never complained, and didn’t expect us to, either. I recall when he finally replaced our thread-bare wool carpeting, only after a family friend commented that it might be time for a change. I honestly don’t think he had the time (or inclination) to even notice the wear and tear! His Depression-era and Midwestern values seem fleeting at best in today’s fast-paced consumer-driven society, but he prepared us well for the “Great Recession.”

Dad also always paid cash for his cars (and paid off his mortgage in about 5 years on a house he owned for almost 50). He taught us to balance our checkbooks (to the penny!), limit credit cards, and pay them off monthly to avoid interest charges. Frugal? Yes. But at age 95, he is still living life on his terms, to the extent his body will let him, without financial strife. Growing old has its challenges, but he’s wearing his age well.

Thanks, Dad, for teaching your children well. You’re my hero. Happy Father’s Day!

A Mother's Day Interview

Mary Luttrell with her mother, Mildred Smiser Vyverberg, age 99

What a wonderful opportunity to honor mothers, young or old, on Mother's Day by spending some quality time together, giving your mother, or a mother you know, an opportunity to share the wisdom of her years (age does have its advantages). Listen to her words, but don't stop there because much is communicated in other ways. Mary Luttrell of Forestville, CA did just that on a recent trip to visit her mother, Mildred, in Florida:

On Sunday afternoon, February 13, I had an extraordinary conversation with Mom. She was in bed, drowsy, but not sleeping. She is still and small, and I sat by her bed. She would look at me with her eyes just slightly open, or just with one eye at a time, conserving her energy. We had several rounds of repeated conversations in answer to her questions of "Where am I?" and "Is my mother/Sis (her sister)/Sam (her brother)still living?" Mother has long been widely regarded for her humor, wit and commentary. I took notes as we talked. Here are some of her comments that afternoon:

"I'm glad you came to see me, but I'm afraid I'm a little wilted."

"What are you doing running around loose?"

"How long have I been dilapidated?"

"Am I sick or just temporarily slowed down?"

"How old am I? Did you say 99? Well, that's a whopper."

"How long have I been in bed? Well, that's a nuisance."

"I'm glad you have a fiancé. It's good for you to have company, someone that's interested. I just want you to be happy. You just go along and be happy. Say hello for me."

When she asked when I was going back to California, she said, "Well, I'll be gone by then. But we can't all be on the same train."

"I'm not sure I'll last much longer. We can't have everybody going on for years and years. It wouldn't work out right."

"I'll check up on you all sometime."

"We can't have everything we want all the time. You can't change things, so just enjoy what you have."

"Things don't stay the same, do they? They keep turning over and turning over. We will see what we will see."

"Is this a north-facing room? I don't think I'm going to need it anymore. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I don't think I will have an extended life."

"I'm going to miss you, but you can't keep going on and on. Somehow I'm not extremely excited one way or the other."

"I'm glad I got to see you and hear you. It means so much more."

"I'm not sure I'll last that much longer. Thanks for coming to see me. I'll be waiting around the corner for you. I'll be looking for you one of these days."

At one point, when I said "I love you, Mom," she replied, "Well that's good; that brightens things up."

"Bye, bye, Hon. I'll see you sometime."

Thank you, Mary, for sharing your mother's 99 years of hard-earned wisdom with our readers. Happy Mother's Day, Mildred!

An Interview with Bob Gimlin

What’s your definition of success? After reading his memoirs and completing our interview, I consider Bob Gimlin of Oakmont an American success story. I also believe Bob’s success can be attributed to much more than “being in the right place at the right time,” as he first proposed. A humble man, it took persistence to convince Bob that his life experiences were worth sharing with Upbeat Times readers. In Bob’s stories, I witnessed the unfolding of a deeply rewarding life that encompasses much more than material wealth.

Born in Chicago in 1921 to a friendly, easygoing father and a conscientious mother who was a real “go-getter,” Bob credits his mother with opening the first and perhaps most significant door of opportunity for him: a college education. With her support and encouragement, Bob attended Purdue University where he met Jane Haltom, his future wife. They were engaged before Bob enlisted in the US Navy in 1941 while still completing his engineering studies, and married before he was ordered for active duty following the attack on Pearl Harbor. Bob returned home from the Navy just in time to witness the birth of his second child, Hal (preceded by Gail), and was given the opportunity to work in, and potentially take over, his father-in-law’s business. However, after a brief period of readjustment to civilian life, he walked away from that opportunity to chart his own course. Opportunity after opportunity, Bob ultimately became president and CEO of Abitbi-Price, the world’s largest newsprint producer, until his retirement in 1985.

To Bob, the most important measuring sticks of success in life are based on the success of your relationships: family first and foremost, followed by personal and business relationships. Bob believes it’s also important to be happy with oneself. While the right work/life balance can be elusive, and today’s standards are certainly different from the standards during his work career, Bob seemed to find the right balance for himself and his family. He is also very proud of his extended family members and their work and life pursuits, even if their work adventures haven’t always been financially successful. There’s one more subtle but telling measure of Bob’s success: he still cherishes meeting his “girlfriend” (Jane) out on the patio at 4:27 each afternoon to share the day’s happenings amid their beautiful orchid garden after 68 years of marriage!

Perhaps the most compelling explanation for Bob Gimlin’s success in life is his attitude toward both people and work. He doesn’t know anyone who dislikes him, and also couldn’t think of a single person he’s ever met who he dislikes. I believe him! He seems to have a gift for seeing the unique positive qualities in every human being he’s met. A compelling example was when he described his interactions with labor unions in both the U.S. (where the company had the upper hand) and Canada (where unions had the upper hand). Over time, he learned to appreciate the challenges of “both sides of the coin,” and despite some difficult union negotiations in Canada, he became “very friendly” with the union boss.

With regard to work, Bob also confidently stated that he enjoyed every job he ever had, and his jobs were “never work” to him. He clearly loves to learn, and as a former HR director I know how infectious a good attitude can be in a workplace (and conversely, how poisonous a bad one can be). Beyond being in the right place at the right time, I have no doubt Bob Gimlin was both well prepared to take on new responsibilities and eager to do so when job and promotion opportunities became available. The lessons he learned growing up during the Depression, and inspiration he received from his mother to work hard, “be considerate of other people,” and follow the Golden Rule, also contributed to Bob’s drive and ultimate success in life.

Thank you, Bob, for sharing your success and wisdom with readers!

Holiday Memories....

With the holidays upon us, I sought inspiration from elders by asking them to share favorite holiday memories for my final 2010 column. So I set off to the Santa Rosa Senior Center to collect vignettes from a few willing subjects.

Quite frankly, I was humbled by some of the memories shared below, because they speak as much about the strength of the human spirit as they do about holiday spirit. The stories are not uniformly 'upbeat' because the memories were not. However, to me the challenges represent powerful statements about what the "Greatest Generation" has experienced and endured through the past century, which is worthy of celebration. It also reminds me how lucky I am to have been raised a Baby Boomer, a generation which has benefited tremendously from the blood, sweat and tears of the generations preceding my own.

Addie's fondest and most vivid holiday memory was in 1936 at age six. That year, all the girls in her Austin, Texas orphanage received Shirley Temple dolls and she absolutely cherished hers. She claims "they spoiled us."

Dee fondly remembers her Irish Grandmother in El Reno, Oklahoma, who would take down her long, lush white hair and act like a bear. She also remembers not having indoor plumbing and being afraid to go outside at night to use the outhouse...especially during a blizzard!

Raised in Manchester, England, Judy remembers spending Christmas 1940 in an air raid shelter in Manchester after her first year of military service. During the day, they would come out to survey the fires and devastation left by the German air raids, and recalled when her sister ran out of a shelter despite the protection it offered because she feared a nearby rat more than the bombing!

Prudence, who was raised in Shanghai, China, thought of Chinese New Year when I asked about her holiday memories. She loved to play with dice, and her family would visit ancestral temples on this special day.

Ralph, who served in the 41st Infantry Division during WWII, will never forget his holiday memories in Hiro, Japan after the 1945 atomic bombing of Hiroshima where he witnessed human starvation firsthand; a stark reminder of the casualties of war.

Bea loved the smell of the freshly cut Christmas tree her father would find in the woods near her home in Stuttgart, Arkansas, and the simple joy of stringing it with popcorn, tinsel and lights. When the snow came, they always built a snowman with nose and eyes made out of mud!

Raised in Sydney Australia, Liz remembers celebrating hot and humid Christmas days there. Despite the weather, her family always had a traditional British Christmas lunch, complete with Plum Pudding and brandy sauce. They were 'incapacitated' for much of the afternoon, but managed to reach the beach by late afternoon. Then, on December 26 (Boxing Day), friends would converge at their house by Sydney Harbor to watch the annual Sydney to Hobart Yacht Race.

Joe, who was raised in Alabama, recalled his 7 year old brother's reaction when he didn't receive the present he expected for Christmas, declaring "I hate Santa Claus" before marching back to bed. Joe never did find out what his brother was expecting that he didn't get! (Maybe he even kept it a secret from Santa...?)

During the winter months, Miriam enjoyed riding her wooden sled with metal glides from the top of the hill in her home town of Salem, Massachusetts. When the pond they used for ice skating froze over, they'd build a fire and sit on logs nearby to stay warm between spins.

In closing, I'd like to celebrate and give thanks to the wise elder who has helped shape my life: my father, Kent Tweeten, who celebrates his 95th birthday on December 17 in Madison, Wisconsin. Happy Birthday, Dad!

May you experience the simple joys this holiday season has to offer.

“There but for the grace of God go I.”

Mert Preston, who will turn 85 this December, was raised by his mother, Henrietta, and grandparents in the farming community of Visalia, CA. His grandfather was a businessman during Mert’s childhood, and became a farmer after the stock market crash so he could put food on the table. His mother also had good business sense, and eventually opened a successful corset & lingerie shop in Visalia. Having devoted her life to raising and supporting her two children and her parents until their late 80s, Mert fondly remembers her “lusting for a T-Bird,” and felt his mother deserved this indulgence, but she resisted the temptation because she wanted to save money to pass on to her children. Unfortunately, she died of cancer shortly thereafter at the age of 58, and her dream never became a reality.

Henrietta was a powerful role model for Mert. She never spoke poorly of anyone, including his father who abandoned the family when Mert and his sister were young children. He vividly remembers his grammar school days when the local sheriff was arrested for drunk driving. In his small town of Visalia this news was quite a scandal, but his mother’s response was, “There but for the grace of God go I.” The lesson? Our fate is not entirely in our own hands, and another’s misfortune could very well have been your own! Personally, it reminds me to guard against pre-judging others and their human foibles. Henrietta also left Mort with the gift of being able to listen to all sides of an argument and “giving people a lot of leeway to be themselves.”

Reflecting on his life, Mort remembers the Golden Rule, and believes and practices “you get back what you put out.” He was a self-described “sissy” as a kid, who was underweight and nonathletic. In retrospect he ponders the role this played in his becoming “a gentle guy.”

After completing high school, Mert served in Germany during WWII (1944-1946). He started in artillery, but after D-Day he worked in a clerical capacity in medical aid stations and became responsible for running an aid station within a few short months. This was his first of many experiences stepping into a leadership role.

When Mert returned home after the War, he was expected to complete his training and become the doctor in the family, but after taking a biology class at the local junior college he soon discovered he was destined for experiential vs classroom learning and a career in business. Doors began to open, starting with the opportunity to run a car parts department for family friends in San Rafael. This experience quickly led to others; first as a buyer for a parts store in Stockton and then in Fresno. He fondly remembers the business owners/teachers he had along the way, who ultimately helped him gain the confidence he needed to open his own store, Preston Automotive Center, which he operated from 1959 until 1980 when he sold the business.

As Mert achieved the American Dream of a successful business, marriage, four children, and mortgage-free home by the age of 49, he suddenly became “terribly depressed” to the point where he had suicidal thoughts and “couldn’t see any way out.” He was raised in a very private family, and men didn’t talk about their feelings to anyone. But when he saw an ad about couple’s therapy, he brought it home and encouraged his wife to attend sessions together.

The year was 1980 and Mert’s life was about to undergo a profound change. He started private counseling sessions and it wasn’t long before the counselor put a name to the struggle he faced: he was homosexual. To Mert’s amazement, while he saw disaster lurking, the counselor repeatedly responded, “And what’s the problem?”

Through counseling, Mert was able to come to terms with this truth, and confided it to his wife. He prepared himself for their discussion with the book, “Loving Someone Gay,” by Don Clark, which he later also shared with his four adult children. Again to his amazement, both Mert’s wife, Ann, and his children accepted him for who he was without major upheaval. For the first time in his life he was living life on his own terms, not someone else’s. Mert and Ann never legally separated, but he did eventually move out of their shared home. He felt particularly blessed that his children accepted him and he was able to maintain a good friendship with his wife until she died of cancer six years later. The one hole in his life that remains is love. “The kind of love that grows over time, with a life partner you fall in love with and share your life with.” With that said, he has no regrets, because he wouldn’t be the person he is today without the experiences he has endured and the children he and Ann raised to adulthood.

Even before his life view dramatically changed both at work and at home, subtle changes were underway which called Mert to a life of service and leadership. This calling ultimately led Mert to his personal mission “Encouraging men to look at the way they lead their lives and be willing to explore change and stimulate their own personal growth.” Mert’s call to service began at Petaluma People Services Center, where he served on the Board of Directors from 1978-1982. He went on to co-found a men’s support group in Sonoma County, MEN: Men Evolving Non-violently. He was also a charter board member of Sonoma County AIDS Foundation, where he served through 1995. One of his proudest achievements was his work with the AIDs Foundation, because it opened him up to life. He was particularly honored when the AIDS Foundation established the Mert Preston Award to honor outstanding volunteer service.

Raised Catholic, Mert still considers himself Catholic and enjoys mass, although he struggles with the church’s position regarding homosexuality. When asked what he’d like to share with today’s youth, Mert borrowed a quote from the Book of Micah (6:8) in this simple yet profound statement:

“To act justly, to love tenderly, and to walk humbly with your God.”

Regardless of your belief system, to Mert the universal message is a simple one. “It is incumbent on each of us to be a decent person.” As I concluded our interview and glanced around Mert’s living room, I couldn’t help but notice the books prominently displayed on his coffee table which speak volumes about who Mert Preston is and what he believes: “Elders on Love,” by Lakritz Knoblauch and “When we were Colored, a Mother’s Story,” by Eva Rutland.

Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Mert!

ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING…

According to Lynn McClintock, he “shouldn’t be here.” Born prematurely on November 29, 1918, Lynn weighed in at about 2 ½ pounds and has maintained his lean physique ever since. His mother reportedly brought him home “in a shoe box” and he slept “in a dresser drawer.” Now almost 92, Lynn’s positive attitude and commitment to cycling has helped him stay trim and healthy. He used to ride his bicycle 6,000+ miles per year, but now is averaging under 5,000 miles per year with his son and two other riding buddies, or 80-100 miles per week (!), not to mention occasional rides with other friends from Sonoma County and elsewhere. Lynn has downsized from owning five bikes to ‘just’ two road bikes at this time: a steel frame Waterford, and a carbon fiber Trek Madone. You gear-heads out there will know what that means; for the rest of us, suffice it to say they’re pretty impressive bikes!

Lynn has been legally blind in his right eye for about fifteen years, but that hasn’t affected either his riding ability or his spirit. He moved to Santa Rosa’s Oakmont Village senior community with his wife, Lorraine (“Raine”) in 1981 and has only missed “3 or 4” of the annual Wine Country Century rides hosted by the Santa Rosa Cycling Club throughout this 30 year span, despite moving to Woodland several years ago to be closer to his son. And yes, he’s ridden the full 100 mile century each year.

Lynn’s attitude about life and the ease with which he has climbed the hills and mountains along the road are truly inspiring. Born and raised in Southern California, he studied animal husbandry at Cal Poly and spent several years on his uncle’s cattle ranch preparing to become a cattle rancher himself, but health issues prevented him from pursuing this physically demanding vocation. So he entered a business college and worked for Pfizer, the world’s largest research-based pharmaceuticals firm, in veterinary medicines and supplements. He traveled extensively for work, and spent many lonely nights away from home. Then in June of 1969, Lynn happened to notice six+ cyclists in a pace-line formation near his home in Arcadia, and told Raine that he thought it ‘looked fun.’ At her urging, Lynn bought his first bicycle since his paperboy days, and soon started bringing his bike on business trips. He started riding two to three hours at the end of the work day to pass the time away from home…and a forty+ year exercise habit was born!

Lynn learned a thing or two from his father, who met his own fate re: cattle ranching when he bought a head of cattle to start a cattle ranch: the business was “wiped out” when they discovered the cattle had hoof and mouth disease. Trudging on, he developed a retail meat trade in supermarkets throughout Southern California and became quite successful. Success had its own price tag, however, as the family moved almost annually during Lynn’s formative years as his father was transferred from one store to another.

You’ll understand the meaning of true love when you hear Lynn speak about his wife of 69 years, Raine, who passed away on July 4 of this year. They met in a most unusual way: via his sister’s ex-boyfriend. As the story goes, Lynn had grown fond of this young man, and was in Alaska hoping to land a canning job when they split up. Hearing the news upon his return to California, Lynn decided to visit the young man’s family home and extend his condolences regarding the breakup. When a young woman opened the door, “that guy with an arrow” pierced Lynn’s heart. Yes, it was the young man’s sister, and love at first sight which continued throughout Lynn and Raine’s “special” marriage. She lives on in the memories and carefully placed mementos throughout their home in Woodland, including the first birthday card Lynn gave her that still sits on the bedroom dresser; or the jumbo Mother’s Day card from their son, prominently displayed in the living room.

Lynn’s tips for living a long, healthy life include exercise; watching what you eat; and a good attitude. Despite his own health challenges from infancy on, this philosophy has certainly worked for Lynn, as he currently takes no medications; “not even an aspirin”. His advice for today’s youth: “Don’t be influenced by what you think others think you should do, and don’t be afraid to do something different. You can do anything if you’re motivated and have a good attitude.” And for those of you over fifty who are considering cycling for exercise? Lynn says, “if you cycled as a kid and like exercise, you can’t beat cycling now because you use everything with no jarring”. You also get to enjoy the landscape and wildlife from a unique vantage point.

When asked what his own future will hold, Lynn quipped that he’s “signed on for ten more years,” at least as far as cycling is concerned! So be sure to look for him at the 2020 Wine Country Century…