Family Man...celebrating Father's Day

 Ernie Frandsen was born on Easter Sunday in 1930 and spent his early years living in Berkeley. After attending seven schools by seventh grade due to his father's job assignments for a mortuary, the family settled in Healdsburg where his father started his own business and Ernie quickly found work for McGill's Market at the young age of 13.  One of Ernie's favorite memories growing up in Healdsburg was the band concert that was held in the plaza on Saturday nights, after chores were done.  When he was growing up, prunes were a major crop in Healdsburg, and the start of school in the fall was delayed if the harvest was late. 

Ernie's grandparents on both sides of the family were his mentors, supplying a strong foundation and reliability he knew he could trust.  They also gave him a sense of independence with firmness when needed. He recalled one day when he had to race home from school in the pouring rain to get to work on time.  His grandfather had driven to school so he could give young Ernie a ride home, but Ernie refused so the elder simply followed this miserably drenched youth home (undoubtedly with a smile on his face!)  Grandparents and extended family were included in every holiday.  Their memories are also carefully placed throughout the house, including the artistic metal work of his grandfather, a blacksmith who immigrated from Denmark.

From the minute I met this inviting man, I knew why a mutual friend, Evelyn, recommended Ernie Frandsen as an interview candidate for my June (Father's Day) column.  Ernie and his wife Marilyn must have been quite a team.  These Healdsburg High sweethearts married after high school and Ernie leased and operated his own small grocery store in Healdsburg before they started their family of four daughters in their early 20s.  Ernie spent 9 years working at this "Night and Sunday" store on highway 101 (i.e. he worked days, nights, and Sundays/holidays!) that stayed open until 9 PM daily at a time when other stores closed at 6 and on Sundays.  Ernie continued running the store until his mother, who had MS, became very ill and his father asked him to help with his mortuary business in Healdsburg and Cloverdale.  Ernie eventually took over the family business until his retirement in 1997.

Marilyn loved being a mother and kept the home fires burning to balance their work/family partnership: cooking, baking and sewing most of the girls' clothing.  After the children had left home, Ernie recalled going out to dinner with Marilyn and being disappointed in the food (so you know she was a good cook)! Even though he worked "all the time," family came first.   Ernie came home after work at bedtime in those early years and always tucked the girls in.  They now fondly remind him that he tucked the sheets a bit too tight!  The family's annual vacations were special times together.  Gualala or camping in Van Damme State Park were two popular treks. They also made monthly trips to Santa Rosa to shop and to San Francisco a few times per year. 

The delight Ernie Frandsen feels about family is visually displayed in photographs and mementos throughout his Cloverdale home, and in his detailed descriptions of his four daughters, ten grandchildren, and seven great grandchildren.  Raising four girls was "fun," according to Ernie; the Frandsen's provided their children with various opportunities from music to 4H and animals to raise on their 5 acre parcel.  After Marilyn's death in 1999, Ernie moved from Healdsburg to a smaller house they owned in Cloverdale.  He also still owns a home in Fort Bragg on the coast that he tries to visit with one of his daughters monthly.

Not one to show favoritism, Ernie described the unique talents of each of his daughters who are each "special in her own way."  Claudia, the oldest, always wanted to be a teacher, and retired from the position of Cloverdale Unified School Superintendent last year. Marjorie is retired from the Sonoma County planning department.  Elaine works for a veterinarian and there's "nothing she can't do."  Rebecca, the youngest, currently teaches pre-kindergarten in Cloverdale.  He's equally enthusiastic about his grandchildren and great-grandchildren; his current service work as a member of the Cloverdale Kiwanis Club, with the mission of "Serving the children of the world," reinforces this man's strong commitment to children and helping others.

As a touching example of this father's devotion and family ties, Claudia's first birthday away from family was just last month.  So Dad sent her four cards: the first said "Happy Birthday;" the second, "party;" the third, "flowers;" and the fourth, "cake."  Money was enclosed in each envelope to accompany the sentiment.

Happy Father's Day, Ernie!

P.S. Thanks for the jam!

66 years of coaching, and still going strong

Marion Kane Elston, born Marion Olson, grew up in San Francisco and started swimming on the Russian River at age 3 near the family's summer home.   By age 13, she started coaching the younger girls on her San Francisco competitive swim team, Crystal Punch, to perform in their annual "Crystal Cades" fund-raising water show, and by age 16 she was coaching all the girls for this annual off-season performance.  

After attending the University of Hawaii and teaching elementary school in San Mateo, Marion married and was hired in 1954 by the San Francisco Recreation Department to coach synchronized swimming four hours per week for $2.75/hour.  That team's success grew into the San Francisco Merionettes and the team received the first national championship title in 1960 followed by 19 consecutive high point titles, not to mention numerous other individual and team awards.

Fast forward to 1981, when Marion was inducted into the International Swimming Hall of Fame.  According to the IHSOF website, Marion was "one of the most successful coaches in any sport" and "the world's first great synchronized swimming coach" who "did most to create the quality and class that gave her sport the world recognition that led to World Championships and Olympic acceptance."   Now, 66 years after her humble coaching beginnings, Marion is still going strong at her pool in Santa Rosa's Rincon Valley, Oak Park, with students ranging in age from 6 to 89!

While Marion is best known for her gifts at coaching synchronized swimming, having developed 51 National AAU Synchronized Swimming champions with 303 first place national and international awards by 1981, she has also coached volleyball, track and field, kick ball, and boys soccer, and has no particular favorite.  When asked what led her to coaching other girls on her competitive team, she simply replied, "you just do it" when you're asked to.  Her own success as an athlete began quite unexpectedly: at age 10, her older sister  was the one who wanted to swim competitively and she tagged along.    But it was Marion who went on to participate in 13 Senior National meets and become an Olympic Team finalist. 

What is it that makes Marion such a great coach?  First, she understands the basic elements of body movement, and credits both this understanding and intuitiveness in being able to pick out the elements that will "get to the heart of what will make someone better."   She says the underlying cause of a problem in sports is often speed, design, or control.  She also enjoys the challenge of coaching, sees talent in people of all ages, and believes every person she coaches has unique qualities which can be improved upon.   She simply meets her students where they are and  "matches their motivation" to improve.

Marion also credits her parents, Ethyl and Ed Olson, for supporting her athletic and  coaching careers. Her mother, Ethyl , was the "bedrock of the family"  and her father, Ed, became assistant manager of the 1968 Olympic Swim Team  and president of the local AAU.

 

The Olsons also helped finance Marion's purchase of Oak Park Swim Club in 1973, a family-friendly local pool and tennis club, which allowed her to continue coaching while raising her four children.  In her spare time, Marion also recruited/choreographed 36 former students to perform in the 1975 movie "Funny Lady," and Oak Park became the headquarters of the Marion L. Kane International Synchro School where she coached athletes from around the world from 1974-1982.  She also produced professional water shows at the World's Fair in New Orleans (1984) and Brisbane (1988); and another show in Hong Kong (1990). 

With 66 years of experience, one change Marion has noticed in the students she coaches in all age groups is that there's so much going on in people's lives now that it's harder to get her students to slow their minds down, feel their bodies, and focus on the task at hand.  Children today seem to expect "instant success," but Marion stresses that it takes time to perfect new skills. 

Marion Kane Elston is clearly passionate about what she does, and believes you should keep doing what you love to do.  I'll take that as a stated intention to keep coaching for years to come (lucky for her students...including myself!) 

In the words of this Wise Elder and gifted coach, if you enjoy it, regardless of your age, "just do it!"  In fact, why not head out to Oak Park, and perhaps you can make your own synchro dreams a reality?  At age 90, Marion's most senior swimmer is also a national champion, Barbara Brown of Napa, who was so inspired in her mid-50s to do just that!

Holidays Gone By

Growing up in Sweden, with Alice Alfonso

Alice Alfonso was born Ellen Maria Alice Wallin in Arvika, Sweden near the Norwegian border, and lived in the neighboring farming village of Speked through secondary school. Her grandfather, and then father, ran the local newspaper, the Arvika News, while her mother managed the small farm where she was raised. Her parents seemed to have worked out a pact, blending city and country life. Her father always wore a suit and tie, except when walking in the woods (he took off his suit coat and tie on those occasions), which became a welcome Sunday afternoon tradition. Her mother worked the farm with their four cows, chickens, and sheep, although she always seemed to have her head in a book when she wasn’t milking a cow!

Alice’s first school experience was a one room school house with 15 children in grades 1-5 (there was only one other student in her first grade class). She discovered that you can learn a lot more in this setting than in a more traditional setting, since the younger children don’t “shut off their ears” when the teacher is teaching astronomy to older students, for example. The teaching method must have worked, because she passed her middle school entrance exam with flying colors!

The children walked several miles to grade school each way, including the snowy winter months. A rare winter treat was skiing to school if the road hadn’t been sanded yet, and they biked to school when the weather permitted. Speaking of bikes, Alice recounted her “painful” experience of learning to ride a bike, when her brother Allan let go of the bike as she descended down their sloping driveway, and she toppled over at the end of the driveway into her mother’s flower bed. She remembered her mother’s disapproval more than the battle scars!

Winter holiday traditions included Advent, the celebration of Saint Lucia, and Christmas. Advent, which marks the beginning of the Christmas season, begins four Sundays before Christmas. The merchants in Arvika would cover their display windows with sheets the Saturday before Advent and surprise the public with holiday wares that Sunday. Families would then walk the streets on Sunday, admiring the merchandise (while the boys and girls admired one another!)

On December 13, the Swedish celebrate Saint Lucia’s Day, the patron saint of light. December 13 also marks the beginning of Winter Solstice according to Swedish folklore. According to legend, Lucia was a brave young woman from the island of Sicily. Lucia, who died a martyr’s death, was widely admired for her courage, generosity and faith, and the Vikings carried the story back with them to Scandinavia.

To honor this Swedish tradition in Alice’s community, the eldest daughter of the house would make coffee, bake pastry (Lucia Buns), and sing the song of St. Lucia for her family that morning (and later, for teachers), honoring the ritual of bringing food during a famine. There was also a pageant along city streets, with a chosen Lucia wearing a white robe, red ribbons, and a candle crown on her head.

As for the Christmas tree, the Wallin family tradition was to cut down a tree before Christmas from their woods, but not until December 23. It was a tricky selection process, particularly if it had been snowing, because it was important to find a tree with straight branches to hold the candles (no, they did not have electric tree lights). Alice’s father was particularly gifted in finding just the right tree, and they never burned down the house!

Christmas presents were collected in one room and opened on Christmas Eve. If you were “very good,” Santa Claus might arrive in person to distribute gifts. On Christmas Day, community members went to church service in the morning when it was still dark outside. The church driveway was lighted with torches, and candles would illuminate the nearby gravestones to remember their dead. The lights were magical! Church services were followed by a hearty Christmas dinner.

Eighty four years and thousands of miles have separated Alice from her Swedish beginning. She moved to Chicago (where her mother’s cousin lived) in 1949 to “learn English” and unexpectedly fell in love and married an American, Robert Alman, less than a year later. Alice and Robert raised their three sons in a Chicago suburb before moving to rural Wisconsin, and Alice came to Santa Rosa after her husband passed to be near her son Bob and his family.

Today, you can find Alice ballroom dancing at the Santa Rosa Finley Center and other venues, three (or more) times per week. She has an energy and enthusiasm for life to be admired at any age.

May you find magic in your own holiday traditions!

In Honor of Veteran's Day... Proud to be of Service

An interview with Carl Ordwar of Santa Rosa

As Veteran's Day approaches, I chose to seek out a career veteran for my November column. Someone who served our country in times of both war and peacetime. Carl Ordwar, who was born in 1925, is a retired career Army veteran who represents these veterans: drafted at age 18, served in the Philippines during WWII, joined the National Guard a few years after returning to the mainland, served again in combat during the Korean War, and worked with civilian components after the war.

By the time Carl served in Korea, his perspective had changed significantly. First, he was older and wiser, and second, instead of simply following orders, he was now in charge of other soldiers (his highest rank was that of Master Sergeant). Serving in the US Army taught him how to respond in the moment to whatever presents itself. You do what you need to do, and move on. Serving his country in the US military has become an important part of who Carl Ordwan is today. He was devoted to his men, but also considered himself "one of the guys" rather than anyone special. He didn't hesitate to counsel soldiers to "get out" if they didn't like it, and mentored more than one of his less experienced ROTC (Reserve Officer Training Corps) supervisors.

Carl recounted one such Second Lieutenant, right out of college, who bluntly told him, "Sergeant, I'm depending on you because I don't know a darn thing." Now that takes real courage on the part of the officer! Of course, Carl also worked with some inexperienced officers who thought they "knew everything" (and maybe they did--on paper at least), but in any vocation it's also wise to recognize the value of experience. Higher ranked officers generally recognized this as well, and told Carl to "straighten out" his boss on more than one occasion. Perhaps his most difficult interpersonal challenge was working with a new officer who had no humility whatsoever, and Carl was prepared to request a transfer if things didn't change. Ultimately, it was the young officer who was transferred. As in any people-intensive occupation, Carl learned the fundamentals of interpersonal communication during his Army experience: what to say, how and when to say it, and who to say it to.

Carl proudly told me about the love of his life, Jenness, who he met on the Love Boat (really!). A standing joke between them was that she "outranked him" when they met after the Korean War. Jenness was a reserve warrant officer and Carl was an active duty advisor to her reserve unit (an NCO). It didn't take long before sparks began to fly and they remained married until she passed away a few ago.

One of Carl's most memorable moments during wartime was when the troops were traveling by ship toward Japan at the end of WWII after the atomic bombs had been dropped. They had no idea what to expect from the Japanese people, but they were pleasantly surprised to find the Japanese military and civilians to be quite friendly. Carl surmised that when the Emperor announced the war was over, the Japanese honored this fact and accepted the troops in peace.

At age 84, Carl says he'd jump at the opportunity to rejoin the military if he could. He still misses being in the Service, and his military service and memories have truly become part of who he is today.

From Cattle Ranch to Coastal California

An interview with Nancy Alquist, Jenner, CA

Nancy Alquist was born in southeast Arizona in 1925 and lived her first ten years on her father’s cattle ranch. At age 10, her mother decided it was time to move into town so Nancy and her brother could “learn how to get along with other people our own age.” She graduated from high school in the small town of Douglas, AZ on the Mexican border. She then went on to college; first to a “finishing school” in Hollywood, California for junior college where her most vivid memory was of graduation when they marched in to the Triumphal March from Aida, rather than the expected Pomp and Circumstance tune. Nancy went on to complete her Bachelor’s degree at the University of Arizona in anthropology, thanks to the inspiration of a “magnificent professor who taught one class in ethnology,” providing Nancy with an educational framework for better understanding her experiences as a child, having grown up around three distinct cultures: Anglo-American, Mexican, and Yaqui Indian.

After graduation, Nancy moved back to Los Angeles, found clerical work, married for five years, and eventually discovered social work as a career to support herself and her son based on the advice of an “astute counselor” at the California Department of Employment. At one point, Nancy became disgruntled with the way she and other county employees were treated and she joined the efforts to bring the Service Employees International Union (SEIU) to the area in 1966. The main concerns of organizers such as Nancy were related to the lack of recognition and value placed on the work they were doing in the field. Core values Nancy was raised with were to work hard, do the right thing, and in turn you could expect decent treatment and fair compensation; yet she knew this wasn’t happening. Prior to collective bargaining, Nancy described their annual process of “collective begging” as going to the board of supervisors to beg for an increase in allocated funds. Written job descriptions and expectations at that time did not reflect actual field experiences, and field workers were not allowed to provide input to more accurately reflect their reality. For one thing, the field of social work at the time didn’t take into consideration cultural differences that were very much a reality among client families in L.A. County. Also, employees had no medical insurance, the civil service rules were not necessarily followed, and some employees received less compensation than comparably sized families on welfare. Eventually, the union made a difference in all these areas.

Nancy’s life changed abruptly when her mother had a stroke and Nancy returned to Arizona to care for her. Like herself, Nancy’s mother was an independent spirited woman, and the role reversal was a bit of an adjustment. She eventually found a good caregiver and was able to return to L.A. where she embarked on a 10 year active volunteer career for the American Red Cross. Her first relief effort was back in Arizona after the Tucson flood of 1983, and her last assignment was in the Caribbean after Hurricane Hugo.

When Nancy’s son and daughter in law moved to Northern California in 1988, they helped her look for affordable investment property on the California Coast and found a 40+ acre property to purchase near Jenner. After a series of health issues, Nancy moved to this property a decade later, and she still resides there. It’s not a cattle ranch, but it’s definitely rural! Since then, she has struggled with other health issues, including a significant bout with pneumonia which required surgery and extended rehabilitation at Golden Living Center in Santa Rosa. She couldn’t say enough good things about the therapy staff there, stating “they interviewed and tested me to find out what I could do and encouraged me to do something daily, but didn’t push me beyond what I was capable of doing.” She was equally pleased with the care she received at a local residential care home, Elsa’s, where she continued her recovery under 24 hour supervision until she was able to safely return to her home just weeks ago. Nancy admitted feeling some concern when social workers initially approached her about the idea, because she recalled a rather “grim” experience at a care home back in her social work days when she visited a disabled client. Fortunately, her recent experience was “180 degrees different; the complete opposite.” She described “friendly, fantastic” caregivers and “very well prepared, balanced” meals. Other residents were also “fun” company at meal times, while maintaining a sense of independence and privacy at other times, which she appreciated.

Despite her own experience with aging parents, Nancy openly admits she didn’t connect her experience with aging parents to her own reality today, and her son still worries about her despite having in-home care. Her advice for other seniors is to “find some means of comprehending what’s going to happen down the line” and discuss future care needs and options with family members because “it will never happen to me” thinking is unrealistic, particularly as we live longer and lack the extended family living arrangements of prior generations (and some other cultures). She also encourages people to keep their bodies and minds healthy to avoid some of the preventable problems associated with aging. Nancy keeps her mind active by reading, computer games, and the World Wide Web. Yes, she’s a self-described “computer illiterate” but has a computer and regularly searches the Web, which is up and running most of the time thanks to Sonic.net!

Nancy also encourages other retirees to apply their work skills in some form of volunteerism. “It gives you a reason to get up every day and get out of the house. You’re doing and learning something worthwhile, and particularly in our country where we’re being exposed to different cultures every day. So much is fascinating!”

One of Nancy’s primary guiding values is to respect other human beings who earn respect. Not because of culture, skin color or language, but because of the way they behave; their moral conduct. She lives up to her own moral standard and is clearly a survivor, having survived numerous medical challenges. Nancy has a contagious enthusiasm for life and living, which is wise, indeed!